I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
