Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
