She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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