hotel room ftw
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
