well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
