why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
