I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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