i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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