I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize