Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
