I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just had sex bonerless
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
