Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
