if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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