The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
