did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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