when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
