do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he thought i was a dude.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
