didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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