Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
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I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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