i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
50% drunk capacity currently
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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