After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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