there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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