I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You took a bar mat shot.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
