Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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