Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
