You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
