3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize