wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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