I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
