Apparently you make a good broom.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
