Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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