Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
