the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
