I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
