He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
