Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
