All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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