it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
