I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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