They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
