I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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