dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
