how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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