I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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