yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
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I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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