connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
