wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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