WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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