I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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