winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
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My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
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I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
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