Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
