i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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