I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
