I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
