i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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