i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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