your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
