she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
